Condom Tribe

[Aubs]

Condom Tribe, Day 1.

The men, like the women some time before them, had soon woken up from the nerve gas bewildered over the preparatory events leaving them now in the middle of no where. The first to awake on the male side had been Thomas, the Environmentalist from Montana.

Confessional: Thomas Meadows.

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"It was the weirdest thing that's ever happened in my life! Even more weird than that time I went streaking in the woods with my animal forest friends and had been arrested some time after by the authorities! I assure you though, I got that removed from my record! The slate is clean!" *shakes head in approval* "I'm in no way a criminal. Who do they think they are telling me where and when I can decide to roam naked? The body is a beautiful thing from nature itself! It's great! Not my fault they don't love theirs as much as I do mine." *smiles*
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Standing up, Thom began to slowly observe his surroundings. The beautiful ocean and a beach had been behind him, while a forest full of trees in front. He placed his hands on his hips and sighed.

Confessional: Thomas Meadows

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"I figured I'd wake everyone up.. Take sort of a leadership role of making sure everyone was alright. I'm a responsible person, it was my duty."
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Thom walked over to the pile of men laying on top of each other. It sort of reminded him of an orgy of some kind, which had forced him to bust out in a loud chuckle. If only he had brought his digital camera, it'd be the perfect photo-op.

"Hey, guys, get up!" He intently eyed the group. folding his arms across his chest. "Is everyone alright?"

[Eva]

As Thom told everyone to get up, one of the men did start to awaken. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. It was Chad, the model/bartender. He stood up and looked over at the pile of men. "Aw, that's gay." he muttered.

Confessional: Chad Thadushe.

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"When I first woke up everyone was like, laying on each other and that just isn't cool, yeah? So I was like fuck that noise and got up. Man, I'm glad nobody saw that. Embarrassing."

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Chad looked over at Thom and shook his head. "What a bunch of lazy fucks. They need to wake the hell up already."

[Weremouse]

Somewhere on the bottom of the pile of men, a smallish, funny looking man was lying nose down in the dirt. He let out a small yelp before crawling out from under the pile, receiving a few aggravated groans from the sleeping males.

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::Confessional: Phillip J. ChilPil::
"Oh-mi-gawd-when-I-woke-up-I-was-being-suffocated. Running-on-only-the-air-I-had-left-from-earlier-I-crawled-out-from-under-the-lung-crushing-pile. Not-the-best-wakeup-ever,-but-I've-had-worse-for-sure."
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Without even bothering to greet his fellow teammates, Phillip ran deeper into the forest in search of coffee trees.

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::Confessional: Phillip J. ChilPil::
"I-thought-leaving-to-find-coffee-would-benefit-the-team-later-on. Not-that-I-need-them,-all-I-need-is-coffee."
---

[Gafe]

To the sound of Phillip's running footsteps slowly fading away, the fourth contestant was woken up. Turns out it was Thane Bai-ryd, the one guy that had refused to tell the producers his hometown or procedence to avoid any kidnappings or burglaries on him or his stuff, respectively. The man was convinced he was just about the perfect target for some illegal activity.
Just as karma dictated, this particular man was at the bottom of the pile of men, and thus had no way to move his body in any direction. He did see two men out of the corner of his eye though.
"Uh, excuse me. Yeah, hippy and testosterone, you could try to be useful and get this pile of unconscious men off of me. I couls sue you, you know?"

Confessional: Thane Bai-ryd
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So, I'm laying there, under a pile of five men, while these two personages chit-chat about the wheather or something - as if they knew anything about wheather. And then, it hits me. There. Are. No. Girls. On. My. Team.
Like, what kind of poorly thought-out gameshow is this? Am I expected to survive without precious estrogen? And this takes me to another realization; every person on top of me is a male.
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Feeling uncomfortable, what with a robot's leg on his face and the hand of some blue-eyed man too near his private area, Thane decided to lift the men off of him. Seeing as to how his arms share a smaller diameter than that of five pencils put together, he ultimately failed.
"Yeah, freaks, I'm still waiting."

[Aubs]

Thom began to talk to Chad about the environment. Although he wasn't so sure the model/bartender was listening he continued to ramble on anyway. "This place is beautiful! I've always wanted to come to Costa Rica. The beaches are extravagant, the greenery seems very lush! It's the perfect place! And this weather.. It's the perfect balance of warm and cool. Looks to be no sign of global warming here."

Confessional: Thomas Meadows.

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"Listen guys," *looks directly at screen* "Global warming is a very serious issue! Our planet is in grave danger and it's your job to help maintain it, not destroy it! For more information please go to w-w-w-dot-globalwarming-dot-org or, w-w-w-dot-epa-dot-gov-backslash-globalwarming-backslash." *smirks* "Remember, we owe our lives to to the earth. You wouldn't want anyone filling your mother's vagina with garbage, sludge, or bad pollutants, would you? I thought not. Treat the earth right dudes."
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While continuing to go on and on about trees, water, our planet and more, Thom failed to notice that a guy under the pile of men had been calling for his or Chad's aid. He casually turned back to see the "asian?" [he couldn't tell] freaking out. He ran over and began to help.
"Sorry there bud, couldn't hear you. I was wrapped up in talking about this breath taking surroundings we seem to be marooned in." He gave Thane his hand and proceeded to pull. With not a budge of movement, he turned back for Chad. "Hey dude, could you help us out over here?"

[Eva]

Chad let out a dramatic sigh. "Fine, I'll help." he said. He walked up and positioned himself behind Thom firmly. "Okay, you pull his arm, and I'll pull you." he said. Seeing Thom's hands around the Asian(?) guy's arm, Chad pulled them both with all of his gym-strength, and ended up dragging the little man out from the pile.

Confessional: Chad Thadushe.

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"It was pretty easy to pull the little Asian guy out of there. He wasn't real heavy, and I can lift real heavy things so he wasn't real heavy. That goddamn robot on top of him made it harder, though. *stops for a moment* That Thom guy had really soft skin."

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As Chad rubbed his hands, a few more men woke up.

Confessional: Dr. Jimmy Holton

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"I don't know why I agreed to do this damn show. Everyone knows that the smart, opinionated black people always get voted out first. Look at these guys, they're all idiots!"

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Dr. Jimmy stretched and looked around at his tribe mates. Deciding that they were doing less than was strictly required, he began to regulate them. "Okay, first off, somebody turn on that robot...thing. Someone else, gather firewood. Someone else else, start the shelter. Let's get moving, gentlemen!"

[Weremouse]

Fortunately, luck shone on Phillip J. ChilPil this fine morning in Costa Rica, for after about four minutes of running, he came across a brightly colored cacao tree.

Phillip hadn't seen anything so beautiful in all his life. Not that he could make coffee from it, he'd have to pick the fruit and grind it with rocks or something. He wasn't really thinking that far ahead. He had suffered the burn from caffeine withdrawal, and his body was SCREAMING for coffee. That's how a middle aged man gained the strength to pull him out from under a pile of miscellaneous men and run into the jungle.

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::Confessional: Phillip J. ChilPil::
"I-had-never-seen-anything-so-beautiful-in-my-life. Coffee. On-a-tree. In-the-forest. I-wasn't-thinking-straight. I-grabbed-a-fruit-and-bit-into-it."
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Phillip bit into the fruit and promptly spat it out. The seeds (where the coffee comes from) were rock hard and inedible unless ground. The fruit itself was tasteless and hard.

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::Confessional: Phillip J. ChilPil::
"In-retrospect-it-was-somewhat-a-bad-idea"
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Crestfallen, Phillip gathered as many fruits as he could from the tree, turned on his heel, and walked straight back to camp, heading in one direction until he hit the wall of the forest.

Dropping the fruits at the feet of the now mostly awake men, he stated somewhat sadly:

"I made coffee."

[Aubs]

After Thom and Chad helped release the Asian [?] guy from the pile of men Thom couldn't help but notice something.

Confessional: Thomas Meadows.

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"Wow, that Chad guy has a pretty firm grip! He's really strong too! He has good looks too, not that that makes me gay or anything." *looks away* "HEY! I'm comfortable with my sexuality! I can admit when a guy looks nice, can't I?"
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Thom, Chad, and Thane stared at each other until out from the group of men an older black man came over and began directing the guys to to work. Thom wanted to pretend the man hadn't been there, but he was afraid that the man would fulfill the stereotypical black guy role so he immediately starting moving. He immediately ran over, found the robot, and flipped its switch on cleverly placed in between its legs.

Confessional: Thomas Meadows.

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"That black guy, yeah, he's a bit unpredictable! I'm sure at any minute he could strike and that's something I'm very afraid of! I'm going to do anything he says just so I can stay out of his way."
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As Thom walked in the forest to go gather firewood, he glanced over to see Phillip running back carrying some kind of fruit of some kind. "Well, that was nice of him." Little did he know that whatever it was was practically inedible.

[kipponoui]

"Happy Birthday" Awesome-O said as energy flowed once again into his system. He could feel the win flowing back through his circuits, energy bringing his optical cords back into function. "Gah" he exclaimed, seeing some man's hand between his legs.

Confessional: Awesome-O

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"It wouldn't be too much to ask, would it? I'd like to be turned on for once in eternity without some man's hand between my legs. Why can't there be a feminine robot there, for once? Maybe one without a cover plate?"

---

"Who are you?"

[GnomesAteMyCake]

Blessed with the ability to sleep through a hurricane, Jack was one of the last to awaken. Rubbing his head, he sat up and stared blearily around the camp. "Awwh, fockin' hell, man. My head's like, proper banging."

Confessional: Jack Owen

"S'like I wake up on this fockin' island, and I'm like, surrounding by other lads, yeah. I was told there'd be fockin' birds on this island, you know? This is way out, yeah, it's a fockin' cock-fight 'round here!"

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But as lazy as the young man was, he was still able to wake up before Jacob O'Grande-bulge, who likewise wasn't happy with the lack of females in their camp.

Confessional: Jacob

"Where are all the ladies? Seriously, where are they? This is the perfect place for a party with some pretty young things, and there isn't one in sight! Alright, you people have had your fun; break out the girls. I will go nut.shit.insane without any women."

[Aubs]

Before anyone could continue doing anything out of no where a ball fell out of the sky and landed on the beach.

"What could that be?" Thomas thought, running back to the beach from his hunt for firewood. Throwing the wood in a pile, he soon rushed over to the group of men surrounding the sphere.

Confessional: Thomas Meadows.

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I had absolutely no idea what that thing was. It was confusing.
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"GENTLEMEN!" shouted a familar voice from the ball. The voice had belonged to Trish Debbison-Teleprompter. "I HOPE YOU'RE GOOD WITH YOUR AIM BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE TARGET CHALLENGE! WINNER GETS A REWARD!"

"Huh?"

All the men looked at each other with a curious expression, but before anyone could utter a response, the ball released the same nerve-gas from before. Soon after that, the robotic arms reached out from the boat and transported them away to another location.

[Aubs]

"Uhm, hell-oo?! Yah, wake up douchenozzles we're back in the fucking camp again..."

The members of the Condom tribe all awoke to the sound of Thane, as the skinny man stood above them adjusting his large glasses. He kicked sand in a few of his teammates. Luckily Thomas, Doctor Jimmy, and fellow triplet Ismael were the first to get up before getting sand to the face.

Confessional: Ismael Jones.

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"Well.. I guess I'm a Condom now. *tries to smile* "I really would have loved to have been given the chance to work more with my sisters. The three of us are a team like no other, I'm telling you! I'm going to miss them so much and I know they probably miss me too! I just have to work hard and pray that Melisa and Selima make it to the merge too! Then, we'll all be back together! Right now I just need to keep looking at the brighter picture. I have to stay positive."
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"You guys managed to get more done than we did," Ismael revealed, looking at the almost finished camp as most of the men stared in awe at her. While she wasn't the most good looking, even out of the triplets, having a girl on their side of the island was something that-

"What are all you looking at? There isn't something on my face, is there? There's something on my face, isn't there? Oh no, Selima is usually the one who helps me with these things.."

None of the men commented.

Confessional: Ismael Jones.

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"So I know I said I'd look at the brighter picture and I really want to, but-" *frowns* "This is so FRUST-TRATING! They're not talking to me! I don't know what to do! I've never been in a situation like this without my sisters there to help me!" *starts crying*
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If it hadn't been for Doctor Jimmy, Ismael probably would have died from having a nervous breakdown.

"You mentioned us having more done than the girls did? What exactly did they have done?"

"And what kind of underwear were they wearing? I bet all of you all were wearing thongs and all that sexy kind of shit, huh? Damn, just imagine those round ass cheeks bouncing up and down all over!" Jacob chimed in, walking up to the group of people.

Thane laughed. "For once, you seem useful." He replied to Jacob, except looking over at Ismael.

"Don't leave us all hanging, we need to know!" Jack offered his two cents, causing most of the men to scream out "YEAH!" in unison.

Doctor Jimmy shook his head in disappointment. He couldn't believe that he was stuck on an island with so many moronic hornballs. Glaring at the group of men, he walked off. "Dumb asses.."

"Guys," Thom spoke out, feeling bad for Doctor Jimmy. "I think we need to be thinking about winning the competition right now. Dr. Jay was the right idea, ya know? We have someone who lived on the girl's side and could tell us just how much of a competition they could be! We could use the information!"

"What are you a homo or something?" Jeff asked, offended. "You like little boys?"
"No, No, No! It's nothing like that!" Thom replied back. "I just.. I just think that we could really use the information. After all, this is a game."

Confessional:Thomas Meadows.

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*thinks about what he just said* "God, they're never going to let me live that down.." *sigh* Not that anything is wrong with being homosexual or anything, they have every right to do what they choose to do! I mean, if you're a guy who likes penis- WHICH I'M TOTALLY NOT BY THE WAY! I'm all for the Ladies! - then more power to you! I don't discriminate against anyone! Oh crap.. I'm digging the hole deeper, aren't I?" *camera guy nods his head along in agreement* "Oh man...."
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[Eva]

While some of the men were busy heckling Thom, Ismael saw Dr. Jimmy stalk away. Sensing a chance at an alliance, she followed him.

Confessional: Ismael Jones.

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"So, I saw that the black guy was pretty much the only person on this tribe who wasn't a massive douche. So, I decided to see if he wanted to make an alliance. Nobody would be able to stop us! He would be the brains and the brawn, and I'd be the beauty!"

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Ismael quickly caught up to Dr. Jimmy and called out to him. "Hey! I want to make an alliance, yo!" she shouted as loud as she could. "Keep it down!" Jimmy whispered, glaring at her. He walked up to the girl, now that they were both a good distance away from the others. "Look, the two of us could totally beat these guys. They would never vote me out, because I'm hot. And they would never vote YOU out, because you're black and that would be racist." she explained.

Confessional: Dr. Jimmy

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"You know, the little white heifer made a good point. Together, we could kick these assholes off this island!"

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"We need more than just the two of us, though." Jimmy said. "That gay guy, Thomas? He would totally ally with us! He's the only one that isn't totally retarded, too!" Ismael said. "Him and Awesome-O. The robot." Jimmy added. "Oh, you guys have a robot?" Ismael asked. "Our team has a pancake."